ohya. forgot to mention that the fucking prank caller strike again today.
he loves saturdays.
im gonna track him down and fucking make sure i feed his penis to dogs, stuff worms up his ass and shove large carrots up his nostrils. he is a fucking old man i believe.
mum says the root cause may be from the lost of my hp during sec sch times.
but it's impossible what. i would have saved both my house numbers. so why did he just call one and so coincidentally it's the one without caller ID. fucker man.
and he knows that i was schooling in xms. the first time he called in 2004, he said what im from xms one wad la blablabla.
but he always got my name wrong. he is always looking for ShuXiang.
like halo. my name is nice i dont need him to change it for me. haha (bitter laugh, can u taste it)

but after some time, i realised speaking to him in English intimidates him. wahahahhaa
the first time he called, i answered him in mandarin
then he went " bu yao pian wo la. ni shi na ge xinmin de dui ma. blablabla"

now? i ve learned.
all ive to do is sternly say "There is no such person in my house"
him : "orh solly"

from the "solly", i would say that he isnt good with english. and fyi, he is bad at chinese too.
i rmbered once he called blowjob as "Han Chu" like wth.

but it's nothing surprising since people like him communicate better with his dick than in language :)

i think im sick. i mean physically sick.
there's a monster hiding in my stomach. clawing and biting at my stomach wall(?) as and when it likes. it prefers me lying on bed to standing up. and i get all dizzy and my stomach hurts once i stand up. like wtf.
on and off stomach ache + 2 diarrhea + 1 vomit + on&off headache = sick
making me uncomfortable all over. i hate being sick!
and this is the first time ive ever had on and off stomach ache okay. dontknow wtf that monster is doing in me.

did a summary for the micro topics today. and yes i do see a clearer picture now. lol this should have been done, erm, before prelims?
ive slacked too much already. but no it's not the end of everything. :)
i will still try my best to at least pass my As.
this is a very low and not motivating aim. i know. but sometimes one just have to be realistic. hahah life is all about realism isnt it

anyway, daddy was asking me about what i want to take up as my career next time.
" i want to be teaching in the school of autistic kids "
the answer came so quickly that it got myself surprised too.

yes. i do think i have the patience for them. lol

having aaron in my life has further encouraged me to take up the challenge of teaching in the school.
i want to bring the necessary knowledge to them, i want to care for them, i want them to know that they are never left alone. i want to know them to know that there are people who care for them even though some have been real nasty to them.
i want them to be leading a life of a normal kid.
and i hope that all autistic children (in spore) will be given a chance to attend the school because aaron couldnt get in.. i dont know if is because his parents dont want to enroll him in or what la....
it's either the school fees are too expensive for them or that there is a limit to the students intake. im not really sure though.


when aaron and meimei came that day,
"meimei xiao xin!"
seeing how aaron had shown care for his sister by asking her to be careful because she had climbed up to a relatively high place, brought tears to my eyes. you would never know how happy i was...

you would never know
because you were never me.
because you never knew how i watch him grow,
play with him, love him.
this is what i call true love.
my love for him is on pile with my love for my family. he's really like a brother to me.
a brother i hold so dear.
my love for rs will definitely not exceed my love for him and my family. haha
second comes the love for friends.
love for rs is at the bottom. and he knows it too. :)

saying" i will not be blogging blablabla"
shall be my lie for the day.

the previous post was just another pms post. lol
but i felt really really bad that day okay. zzz

and GUESS WHAT AGAIN. hoho
him and her came my house ystd!
yes. aaron and meimei! their mum brought them over.. there goes my day for studying.. but BUT BUT, they brightened my day. :)
i have so much to say. but i guess im not gonna pen them down in words.
:D
pictures will do the saying.
but okay. they havent been uploaded. After my As then i'll get my picture-uploader to upload for me.
hmm picture-uploader? make your GUESS again.

mr rs, very good at turning things around to make me look at another happier side har.
but nvm. haha cos i like it.
i will be doing the plannin for his birthday this year..lol cos for the past 2 years unhappy events has shown its love the december period. and can u believe it.. i only celebrated 1 time of his bd with him.. which is that one time before we got together in year 2003. LOL
ops. lol i promise this year i will celebrate it with you and i will do the planning. lol :X
cant wait for ur bd to come!

one week to As.
motivation please please please come quick. i need you now.

i wont be blogging i guess until after As?
byebye blog
till then

everybody notices.. except you?

my friends cheered me on with encouraging words.
asking me to study hard.

i thought i can depend on you, the one and only you, for little encouragement too.
i guess i was wrong.

hahah. im sorry for having high expectations of you, my bf.

sorry. i dont know what im feelin now. all i know is i dont like such feeling.

you have your worries. other people have their worries too.
so why cant you do the same ?

as ive said earlier on. maybe its just me expecting too much from you. :)

:(

as i feel you coming nearer, i realise im gradually taking a step back each time, retreating back into my self-indulged world.
like how it would work under the Lenz's Law.
Physics. ohyes. goddamit.

10 days left to As.
every night, i think about my life in jc and would come to a conclude that i have truly, deeply regretted not doing consistent work or even take the tests/exams seriously.
every night, as i feel As nearing, i have too, felt myself tearing apart.
no point crying over spilled milk.
no point regretting now.
one option left.
study for the upcoming As.
10 days 10 days 10 days

Mr/Mrs/Mdm Tears, please leave me alone.


skipped math lesson again.
my reasons? okay. my excuses?
1) sent carol an sms asking the time and venue they will be meeting. rcved carol's msg at 9 or so this morning when i woke up. so i decided that it will be too late for me to rush down to meet them
2) i cant go w/o doin any work.

im glad i skipped though. :)

cause' yanbing and yanjun came!
cute brothers..
and yanjun is a cute and chubby boy haa
i had to take many pictures of him. too cute.
the minute anybody mentions any food, you can see his eyes glowing with interest. LOL


and while taking pictures for him, i asked him to "kuai dian xiao xiao" (askin him to smile at the camera)
and he went "Ha Ha" LOL yes he didnt smile but literally gave me a Laugh instead
dam CUTE!!!!!
they made my day when they are around! :)

05s36, pls read your messages in tpjc.net.

lkk! there is math at mrs neo house this sunday.
11 am to 1 pm
doing 2003 paper1 yep


that's all for today!

oh one last thing,
lee sheng jie's yuan zou gao fei is nice. :D

leeshengjie is my asshole's idol. LOL cause' asshole says all his songs lyrics have successfully expressed what he has for me :) :) :)

asshole likes zhui hour zhi wu too. he says he s going to buy them after my As. LOL
he likes the show because he thinks what happened between the leading actor and actress is somewhat related to us... lol
lyncia told me the story and i think so too :x lol

LKK, tml got math lesson 9am in sch doing 04 n 05 paper 2

a few of mighty and me were at SummerBrigde Hospital yes there's a name to the hospital
we were there to visit someone cant remember who
suddenly, i received a call from an unknown caller telling me my asshole has been hospitalised! and coincidentally, it's the exact same hospital me and might were in.
what's scarying is that the people in the hospital all seemed to be out of their minds..they looked like they can eat you up in the next minute.. even the nurses too..

so i asked one of the nurses about the ward my asshole was in. she directed me and gave me an evil smile. like wtf. i was scared for that short moment okay.
afraid to go up alone, i got mighty to accompany me.. even though we really wanted to get out of the hospital as soon as possible. away from the weirdos..

so we went up by the lift and came to this big room..
there were alot of "patients" in that room.. they were all like crying for help.. so we walked around to look for my asshole..
i had unknowingly walked past him and only came to realise it's him when i heard him calling my name in pain. :(

somehow, i came to know that the person-in-charge of them was the one who had injected something into them causing all of them to be in that weak and painful state..

the next minute,
i saw mighty trying to get through the door we'd previously came in from. cause' they had realised too that something was wrong with that room, the person-in-charge.

and ah ha i was caught.
caught in between the girls&the exit And my asshole.
i cant leave my asshole there alone. i cant bear to.
so i held his hands so tightly, refusing to let go and cant stop crying..

And so i woke up finding myself in tears. lol


i had my fair share for taking too long an afternoon nap. woke up halfway but the comfort from staying from stress is too great to resist. so i slept on and had A NIGHTMARE. wtf

i love you :) you know you can never leave me bleh

snaily,lkk yes we have no much time left. continue procrastinating and we will die under the evil hand of all sins.
the 1st move will be for us to stop coming online man!
16 days. 16days to As.
the major exam.. after handling this exam well, we will be able to take a step further, nearer to our future...
we cant afford to fail As like we did for other exam. not anymore..
no more honeymoon for us.

sad but true. have to face up to them. and let us do conquering!!!

we wont want to give up and regret in the later part of our lives.. do we?

have faith in yourself,
believe that you can do it and nothing can interfere.

"try and you fail. try and you fail again. stop trying, it's a true fail"

we can do it because we believe in our capabilities

snaily! our econs consultation slot will be on every monday from 11.30 to 12.50pm for the next two weeks.

ohright. we are left with two weeks more to determining where we will be in the future. A level sucks. but lsx you will suck more if you dont get a hold of yourself now and mug like there is no tomorrow.

if anyone needs to keep themselves awake, you can always turn to Nescafe! yeayea nope they are not paying me for this.

think i will TRY to attempt the nyjc compre for tomorrow's gp lesson. i m feeling rather guilty for skipping the past gp lessons. the guilt exacerbated on its own after reading the latest mail our gptutor sent us.
i dont want this guilt to be carried with me even after the As.

my physics tutor aka my ct has too, sent us an email informing us about our consultation and has included some encouraging words.

somehow, the two mails received seem to have caught a few drops of tears.
i told you. arg. im emotionally weak.

i've planned out my after As activities. hoho
i cant wait for As to be over and neither do i expect the As to come THIS SOON.
this is reality. harsh but true. noone likes harsh facts but we have to accept it anyway.


STUDY STUDY STUDY!
maths, physics, econs and gp.


17 days left

i am not one, whom you can take for granted.
i am not one who needs guys to survive.
i am not one who is dependent on guys.
you know it better than anyone else. mr rs.
i can live as happy in singlehood.
im easily adaptable in this aspect as a matter-of-factly.

suddenly, my mood switches from moderate/high to what is now.
i call this a bad moodswing.

i am sick of everything already.

save your breadth, save your explanation. even if im doing you wrong, my mind is determined not to set you right again.

it may just be something trivial to you, to anybody. but it is not to me. :)

similar arguments have been taking place a bit too often.
taking the same stand everytime they happen.
and all i see in you is defence, defence and defence,
not-the-100%-truth, not-the-100%-truth and not-the-100%-truth.
i think im kind enough not to point at you to tell you that you are lying directly.
ohyes as long as it's not the 100% truth i take them as lies. this is MY definition of lies.
i am calculative and am very particular about lies and truths plainly because they are separated by just a thin line.
yep. concluded that people do lie to defend for themselves.
you call this white lies? i call them bullshit.
so much so that i am here to publicly announce that i am sick of them already.

i have my faults too. i cant be the perfect gf.
i tried, but failed.
and i've decided to stop trying for the moment.

i think im mentally unsound. hahah
some of you may agree. hohoh
it's tiring to be in a r/s sometimes. heheh

it is in times like this, where breakingup comes into the picture.
i wont allow myself to get hurt, in any ways, by any male on earth.
this i promise you.

met my ex neighbour at the temple! it wasnt a coincidence actually. mei and me had alighted from the bus heading home, to return to the temple to see them.
LOL SO HAPPY!
the boy and the girl have both grown so much..
it's definitely heart warming to see him answering my questions. he's learning, slowly but learning. :D
however, i still think that he's vulnerable to school bullies. guanyinma pls bor bi that he will be able to stand up for himself and not be made vulnerable due to his autism. :(
meimei has grown so much too! she has grown so much taller and prettier! and she's already 5. lol omg i just realised that our families have known each other for 8 years.
i miss them. i really do. if only they are still our neighbour.

1 week ago, 5th aunt told me i've grown fatter.
2 days ago, sel told me i've grown fatter.
today, my ex neighbour, uncle and aunty, said that i've grown fatter.
today, my jie said that i've grown fatter.

i will kill my fats after my As la! lol wth

and r.s also agree with them. ZZ when i was still 42kg, he could swing me around in a vertical circle without much effort. like some cheerleading stunt you noe you noe. lol i was crazy over stunts last time la. :x
i didnt force him to throw me here and there. wahahaha but stunts are still fun!
after me putting on some weight this year, he couldnt anymore. LOL
it's because he has stopped exercising for like 1.5years?! not because of my weight okay. lol

i think im probably 46/47kg already. considering my height and the increasingly large lumps of fats (yea lumpS not lump) , excessive eating and not exercising....
now, i'm more certain that i will be taking up dance classes after the As.

Had a surprise for our dearest ahyun yesterday. hoho and we have ahjan cooking for us. i feel so fortunate really!
she cooked pasta with her own made sauce, mango pudding with cocktail and an oreo cheesecake for our birthday girl!
i can see ahjan as a future housewife already. it's cool to be able to cook nice food!

Mr RS please do not xian qi me for not being able to cook okay. if not i will make sure i cut you into pieces, 18pieces to be exact, cook curry human and feed them to our beloved xiaohei. :D

read this article on " Love me, love my dog" in Today, 13th Oct06.
I FEEL LIKE FUCKING SCREAM AT PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT ABLE TO ACCEPT THE BLIND MAN'S GUIDE DOG. AND INDIRECTLY, NOT ACCEPTING THE BLIND MAN.
the dog is trained to be well behaved already, so what's there to be afraid about?
it makes matter worst when they are both not allowed to take public transport.
i mean like so how do you expect them to travel around? wtf. plant wings on them so that they can fly around?
it is disappointing to know that people like this do exist.
but of course, fortunately, there are still kind souls around. people who can and have already accepted them.
please have some faith in the trained dog, or at least, the trainer of the dog.

she is there to help guide the man,
not to create conflicts among them.
acceptance is what it takes,
do it for the sake of the least fortunate kemp.

omg.
we are graduating next wednesday. how time flies. please dont not re visit me next wednesday, miss tears. thankyouverymuch.
im going to miss 05s36, the teachers who really care, the canteen, the foyer, the library.. hai



lol. aunty told rs that girls who are not scared of tickling are usually the ones who will not be afraid of their husbands. and mr rs claimed that im not scared of tickling that's why im not scared of him. LOL so not true. wahaha
im not scared of you because im born to love you, not to be afraid of you.
AND ANYWAY, if one truly loves another, there's no way intimidation could come into place.

ONE MORE THING! lol how could ive forgotton!
thankyou snaily!! lol
im not gona say for what. you guess hoho
LKK COME SCHOOL SOON! lol

i have been studying for my demand,supply and elasticity concepts yesterday, to come up with the following conclusion ; i really dont know what i've been doing for my past 1.5 years in school. lol. only coming to discover the many "new" concepts last night.

and wtf. this is only one small portion of what i need to study, absorb.
maths and physics too.

25 days to A level. hai


and to "..." ,
seriously i think you need to get a life instead of hiding in the virtual world. come on. you will be so so much happier if you can just put your ego aside for once. stop living in the delusion that everyone here is out to go against you.
if you havent been stereotyping, let yourself into other's lives (i.e. kpo.ing about other people), the tag-fight will not even exist.
i dont believe in freedom of speech. not when the content is directly cutting at another group of people.
As a singaporean, you should know better than anyone else that our government wouldnt allow this too. =)
this explains why people are being charged for making racist remarks in their blogs.
please make the necessary inference yourself.
and your actions and words dont spell the word "civilised" all together, so what makes you think that you are even fit to leave those crude remarks about others?
it's none of your business anyway.
i may be a naive, childish and stupid foolish dumb female, what you called a bimbo, at least i know i'm not an unethical one. perhaps i used to be but no longer because i've learn to live up to my principles, morals.
i am happy being what/who i am now.

are you?

hahah
what am i gona do?
all i have to do is to remove my tagboard..

and anyway eh, there's nothing for you to be proud of to be comparing yourself with a comp idiot.
just grab anyone on the streets and you can easily find someone better than me in IT..
lol
banning of IP add is one of the features provided by Cbox. knowing the basic will not give me any reason to think that im good at computer stuffs.. lol
i've told you before that you are humorous. indeed you are. lol

since you are good at IT,
now after the removal of my tagboard,
you can now try hacking into my blogger account to put in the comment portion yourself so that you can comment as and when you like to make youself more well known. lol
i have nothing to lose anyway.

it's funny how people can try to attract attention through others' blog.

maybe you can try going for Mediacorp next Bao Xiao Xing Ren Wang.
you have the potential. :D

to "..." on my tagboard,

HALO "..." lol if you cant see this picture clearly please upload it onto your comp for a clearer view. :)

that's your IP address IF you happened to NOT know. haha

stop your tagboard-hopping. from jinhao's to mine.

fuck off alright.

you can read my entries but you dont stir up, what i called, "tagboard-fight" here. :D

check out the expiry column too. "Never" = you will never be unbanned. (this is fyi again incase you happen to NOT know)


go concentrate on your studies instead of flamming around in people's blog.
girl girl, grow up okay?


OH you can always visit my blog with another IP. but well, i can always ban too. :)






had dinner at causeway point with asshole
pasta pasta pasta!
we love pastamania! :)

i used to celebrate mid autumn festival with my neighbours. yea the boy who is like my little brother and his sister who is like my little sister. :)
not forgetting, aunty marlene. their then philippino maid. the nicest one i've ever met.
it's been 3 years.
i miss them.

the stress from seeing how days just fly past, how near we are to A level, has evolved itself into insanity? the worst i've ever met.
let me first defeat the insanity in me.
pure coincidence? or was it the insanity in me working?
noone knows. or maybe they knew, but are keeping it from me.
i've been doing serious thinking about my sanity.
questions came flooding in but answers dont.
so, i've decided to push the blame to the insane me.
you will be happy,
i will be happy.
so will everybody! :)

didnt go for math lecture today either.. i guess refering to the tys is my only option left. hopefully, i will be able to understand what that book is talking about.

ah jie is sick already. she was down with a high fever at 38.5degreecelcius! last night..so i got her my eye mask in place of any fever-cooling stuff to help keep her temperature low. lol
the eye mask cass got me is good. it isnt there for just one sole purpose but many, depending on how you want to use it. lol

tried 4 physics questions this morning! in 1.5 hours time. lol though im required to complete 8 questions in 1 hour 40 minutes. but ah nvm, at least i've tried. :)
i've made good use of my pon.ing of school time okay!

will be giving my asshole a surprise later :)
i have a dumb asshole. LOL

today is zhong qiu jie!

leaving house at 11 or so!
have to copy the essay outlines before going for the remedial. :x
sorry miss norzian. i will try to prepare the essay outline for the next remedial.
anyway, miss norzian has sent us an email..encouraging us, telling us not to give up and that we all can do it..
lol somehow im really touched by her email..
yes i know. i am emotionally weak..

seriously. it's really time to get to work, mug our ass out. but i will still keep my asshole lol
left 26 fucking days.

26 days to A level.

omg. i realise.. i miss him singing to me... it's been a long time since he last sang to me while i lie on his thigh... RAYMONDSIAH you asshole. lol

received a card from AHYUN! so sweet of her! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

skipped gp this morning.. i haven even prepared my essay outline! i cant face miss norzian.. furthermore, having full 8 hours of sleep was still not enough for me... my time of month is really nearing... wth being tired all day long is one of the pms for me too.

i miss r.s. he's been working and sms.ing me telling me what he want eat. WTH making me hungry with him. lol
we are going to have the nice wantonmee again :) :) :) :) :)
not forgetting another meal at pizza hut. that asshole is addicted to pizzahut lately. i wonder what the waitress(es) there fed him. wahahahha

okay. DJ R.S. , is currently playing songs in msn over that voice conversation thing..and he even sang. LOL MY MEI CAN HEAR HIM.

my r.s. is high now. high from sweating too much from work. lol

i told snaily i wont online so often. but here i am again.
i think it's a sooner or later thing before i kill myself. wth
pms is at work again.
it's so unfair for women to have to go through pms. the irritations and frustrations
and i get especially irritated by BigBird.
i think she noes who she is already. hahaah.
i rather she know. i dont like to have such person as friend. :)


LSX, so when are u going to start bucking up?!

onlineonlineonlineonlineonline. dont tell me you're going to fall yourself into the hands of the monstrous technology.

anyway, belinda invited me to her 21st birthday!
but but but...
it's on 9th of november. :(
i will still be in the midst of my A level. WTH!
:(
as much as i wanted to go.........
my studies wont allow me so.......

i have to do the pjc paper and 2001 A lvl today for math tomorrow..
but im glad i dont have to stay in school for extra lesson till 4pm tomorrow and thursday!
i hope i get sth done when im at home.


29 days to A level.

stop trying to test my tolerance.

it's reaching the peak soon.

and before you even realise it, it will be over.

i can be independent. you know that

three days in a row.
two different issues.
enough for me to flood the nation.
the last time i felt like this was 3 to 4 years ago.
and now?
haha. the person who is capable of hurting you most is the one you held so close.
i've decided not to hold you as close anymore.
i've told you before, i wont let any guy hurt me in any ways.

YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. after almost 3years..

i am very very disappointed. this is what i would say for now.

okay. im back from pms. hohoh
:)

get to talked to my idol on that night. wahah
i think her bf told her what i told ahsiah. STUPID AHSIAH ASSHOLE.
BIG MOUTH AND KPO making me malu. wth
saw tiffany too. yep the one who helped us with our scorpion dance last time :D
and they are good friends!

the party was quite boring for ME. because almost all the guys there play WOW and all from the same guild, without much effort you can already guess what their conversations among themselves will be about
and it's actually quite funny to see different groups of people talking about killing, healing, paladins blablabla
different groups revolving around ONE pathetic topic.
LOL
can you imagine?! zzz lol like.. so funny... one group done with talking abt wow then the next will start....

a newly launched book "Beautiful Minds".
please do buy this book to show your support for Pathlight school which caters to students with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
All sale proceeds from the 15-dollar book will go to a new building fund for Pathlight school.

i used to have an autistic neighbour, who loves to get us to play with him etc. sadly, his parents had to shift to a smaller house for some financial reasons few yrs back.. that's why im missing both him and his sister so badly now...
:(
i watched him grew from the minute he came into this world and going on to discovering that he's actually down with the autism spectrum disorder few years later.
you wont know how devastating that is. esp when he's like a brother to me. :'(
i will not hesitate gave him his sweets, allowed him to scream and shout (he wont shout or scream unnecessarily at anybody unless provoked)
i still love him at the end of the day.
he's in primary school already. i hope his schoolmates will not take advantage of/bully him.
hai



i've set my mind on buying this book.

went to darren's bd celebration last night.
things didnt go as well as i'd expected.
benny drove us back to hougang.. cos they were going for pool at hgplaza..
and then, it was home for me. :)


last night, i had a visit from Depression.
Depression brought tears along too.
not just one or two, but a bucket of them.
my heart cant stop screaming..
the cause, noone person will know it better than i do.
not even you, Mr R.S.
you know it, yet, you dont.
if only you knew.
if only you knew.
finally, it was serenity surrounding me again.
as much i as i didnt want to,
the peaceful.ness didnt last.
Depression evolves into scaring nightmares,
refuse to let me get away with it..
refuse to stop haunting me..

subconscious from sleep, i felt tears had itself trickling down my cheeks
you would never know how much heartache the disappointment has brought.

i wish
i wish
i wish

i wish you have never found me.